It was mid-morning in Bulgaria one beautiful May day, where I had an opportunity to meet with one of my all-time favorite and inspirational authors Neale Donald Walsch.  I have been wanting to interview him for a while, so when I realised he was in Europe at the time I was there, I took the opportunity to visit him, even if it was only for an hour.

Neale Donald Walsch is a highly acclaimed author of the Conversations with God series.  He had a conversation with God many years ago that he began to journal. This was a personal journey that he began to document but was not meant for publication. He was simply a man looking for his own answers. At the time he was at his limit, angry and frustrated, seeking a truth, seeking guidance and answers to life. It was this book, his book, that changed my idea about God completely and I just wanted to thank him.

I was first drawn to Neale’s books in the late 1990s when a friend passed this book to me after I had undergone successful treatment for cancer.  It was here at this time, I too was seeking my own truth, my own existence and the reason for being.  To me, this book was divinely sent through an angel disguised as a friend.

The words in the book resonated on a very deep level for me, I understood them innately and they made complete sense.  The fact that the book was called Conversation with God, was initially a little off-putting.  You see my idea of God or the way I understood the word God on a global level was religious.  And I was not religious.   As a child growing up Catholic and attending Sunday school, learning about God was all part of the deal.  Now in no sense am I disrespecting the Catholic religion or any religion, we all seek our truth in many different ways, this is just a personal interpretation of the idea of God and how the understanding at that time affected me.

You see, God to me was this idea of a man sitting on a throne.  He was like a King.  This king was dressed in white, with a long beard and was very wise.  The thing was this king was a ruler.  Which meant he made the rules, and rules were meant to be followed.  I was 11, give me a break.

So looking back at this idea, it was as if God was an authority over me, telling me what I could and could not do.  To be honest this did not go down too well for as I became a young adult enjoying the fruits of turning 18, clubbing, drinking and enjoying my womanhood I wanted to do what I chose to do.  Was God judging me?  Probably.  But I was following my fun, my happiness at the time.  You are telling me God didn’t want us to be happy?

I went through life not really following the rules.  Don’t get me wrong, I was a sensible person, I knew what was good and what was bad, what helped people and what harmed them.  I always tried to be kind to others and be the best person I could.

So it wasn’t until I turned 26 that I really looked back at God and what it all meant to me.  At this time I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease, cancer that settled into my lymph nodes.  I was blessed to get to it early which meant only a 6-month dose of chemo was required.  It was here, at this juncture in my life that God became ever-present.  Who was God?  What am I doing on this planet?  Why did I get this illness?  Was I being punished?  Was this all there was to life? Questions that filled the mind, heart, and soul.  When you are faced with your mortality, there are 2 ways to go.  Up or down.  You either allow it to consume you or you begin to focus on life and living it in the most abundant way you can.  It was here where my life changed, my ideas transformed and my journey of awareness began.

I questioned everything about life, living, and God. To my mums’ horror, I began to dismiss God as if he did not exist and inform her daily that we were the only creators of our lives. “ Religion was using God as a way to control others!”  I would holler to her.  “God was just a figment of the Catholic religions imagination to frighten people from living a full abundant life. We are in charge of everything. Not God.  It is UNIVERSE MUM NOT GOD!” Oh, the horror she must have felt. I now see this was an integral part of the process of my understanding the whole “God” issue.  My issue.

I have since discovered, in my truth, that God does exist.  The God that I once knew as the king sitting on the throne has been replaced with the ever-present knowing of love.  A source of love.  A universal presence of life.  The creator.  When I say “creator”.  I mean you, me, we. All that is.

We are all part of infinite wisdom.  A truth that resides within us is God.  This God creates.  It creates through our thoughts, our actions, our words.  As God we create. Therefore creation is God.  God is within us, without us, all about us.  And it is about choosing love.  Choosing fun.  Choosing joy.  Choosing inspiration.  Choosing the truth in your heart.  Choosing what feels right for you. And living it.

Over time, like many of you, my idea of God has evolved but the words have not.

How we interpret God, how we know her is within our own heart and mind to know.  God, Universe, Source, Creator.  It is all the same. They are just words we use that we are comfortable with.

We are in a time of great change and evolution.  Each day I see evidence in my own life how I create.  I am inspired each moment by many things which fill my heart with absolute joy and feelings of gloriousness.

There are no rules and no one way to feel or know God.  It is our own personal journey and conversation how we wish to hold him, her or them in our heart, and whatever it is we choose in our way, is right for us.  It may change as we grow older, but the purpose is to know what it is to us.

To follow my inspiration, my joy, this is my truth and the essence of life.

This to me is God.

In Light

Angie xx