It has been just over a year that you have left this world of ours and I miss you today.
Having you go left me lost not knowing what it is I am to do here on this earth. My job was to be by your side, care for you and just be there. It was hard at times and it was good at times. But this was what I was here to do.
And now that you are no longer here, on this earth, days like today still visit me.
I know it is time to let go of this idea. This way of being. But it has proven to be a harder pattern to break. It was me with you. That’s all I really knew. Learning to be another way…now that is taking some time. It seems that I try to fill my days with stuff to distract me from the fact that you have gone. I still wake with you on my mind, that I am to do some things for you. But there is nothing to do for you any more. Just smile when I think of you. Feel your love in my heart.
I know that you are with me at each moment, wanting me to live my life. I know that you love me with all your heart and encourage me to be free. I know all you wish to see, is me smiling and laughing, feeling life at it’s fullest. And I will. I have glimpses of it now, knowing they will turn into a full life. There is so much you see.
I love you so dearly mum. I know you do not wish to see me cry, but my human mind is working on a new way of being, so my sadness is just remembering the loss of what we had on this earth. With great love, great loss. And that is ok.
I love you to the moon and back. Knowing you are there at every moment of my life.
I miss you mum.